A little dose of you
For me, goes a long way
A little dose of you
Gets me through my day
It lifts up my spirit
It kills my apathy
No more, will i be horrid
If i’d have your company
A little dose of you
No more am I incomplete
A little dose of you
With its desire I am replete
I ask not for much
Just a little bit
Maybe a gentle touch
And a kiss to go with it
A little dose of you
My sorrows go away
A little dose of you
A little more everyday
younaschowdhry 
I ask not for much, Just a little bit, Maybe a gentle touch, And a kiss to go with it ———- It’s a beautiful piece of oriental cultured poetry in English Language. But the phrase “A little doze of you”, to my monies, is a pure bazaari language and in conflict of the aforementioned. Overall a good attempt and average yield by a poet an Urdu poet in exotic language in the style and diction of Urdu language.
I suppose all of us have our own ways of interpreting poetry. I welcome your critique nevertheless. Thanks!
Very nice, should have been longer though. I feel its sort of incomplete.
Thank you Sana. Yes i agree it should have been longer. Appreciate the feedback š
Amazing.
Thanks Usama š
Happy valentines day, and this is a lovely poem, bravo š
Valentines day? lol where’d that come from? and thankus š
It is a very nice and touching poem…This makes me feel the loneliness that everybody possesses deep inside him/herself……Keep it up…
Thanks for the comment š and I know what you mean…. Glad it struck a chord with you.
Nice Work & good effort. Nicely describe the emotions/ situations which people are facing in this decades… You have to continue it, describe more if u feel too, other it’s enough too…
Thank you for the kind words Qasim
Words may not be my best suit – but what you ve written is touching !
Younas,a little more of variety in vocabulary,a little less of “it” and ‘dose” “doze”,and a lot more imagination,fantasy,would change it. At its best,its passionate,At its basic,its a bit too plain, i hope this helps,commented at your insistence. My second reservation is,being familiar with your political inclinations,wont it be better,if you feel a poet may be budding in you,express yourself in something more widely understood ,appreciated-try to converse your feelings in urdu bro`,yeh english to petit bourgoise ka medium hai hamaray yahanh,parhna seekhna apni jagah theek angrezi mai,lekin kaho,likho tou logon ki zubaan mai-mera yeh maan-na hai, haanh kuch majboorianh rehti hainh,like interacting on social websites,lekin unhainh bhi door kartay rehnay ki koshish karrtay rahainh,mai bhi karoonh ga, and luck-keep on trying,i`m just afraid,our straightfrowardness may not hurt our “self`s”,if it does,just ignore,it was not intended to be.
Farrukh
Thank you for the critique. I appreciate your straightforward response. I do plan on writing in Urdu. This is just a start. hopefully ill get around to it š
touching…..
š
good one:)..liked it
thanks
i liked your approach…though at times it seems a bit prosaic..nevertheless the attempt is worth an applaud….neway, i prefer bengali or urdu poetry to English….:)
nicely versed……brings out the desire for love from the very depths of the human heart….but the verses are a bit stringent or exacting if i’am allowed to say that….beating around the bush a little would have put an icing on the cake for a poem based on a topic of such versatility.
looking forward to more….keep’em coming….good day comrade š
Appreciate the appraisal comrade š thanks
It lifts up my spirit
It kills my apathy
No more, will i be horrid
If iād have your company
I LOVE THIS š
NICE MAN.
Thank you Hassan š
As if street theatre and concerts and running a workers party wasn’t enough?! From a fellow amateur (published, mind you :p) poet, nice work comrade š But since its about love you’ve gotta have richer language. Let the emotions all come out on paper.
Also, since a dose of something seems to be the common theme of your poem, you can also use it as lyrics for a Nirvana-style drugs song š Like ‘On A Plain’? But like I said, nice work. š
Thank you Ravez. I am flattered as always š *makes a note of your recommendations*
Nyc poem but it should be more clear lyrics otherwise nyc
Keep It up
Sure thing! thanks
Ur welcome ……….. š
A little dose of you…very beautiful starting…and Maybe a gentle touch
And a kiss to go with it….superb, optimistic!! love it,